i am supposed to be sleeping right now.
because i've to wake up early later to go to chinatown.
but there's too many things going through my mind.
i dont even know where to start thinking.

sometimes we tend to wear a mask for so long, we dont even know ourselves anymore.
& those people who gets to know you do not exactly get to know you but rather get to know the mask.
catch my drift?
everybody's so hypocritical in this world.
seriously, have you ever found somebody who really is very blunt, speaks his/her mind without a care in the world, etc. you know all those traits of being a non-hypocrite?
i do not know of such people.
everybody i know is a hypocrite, one way or another, i think.
because seriously, how far are you able to be blunt/frank/straightforward to the people around you?

true, to your friends you may be blunt.
true, to your family members you may speak your mind.
but seriously, when you work, are you really as straightforward as you claim to be? ok, maybe your superior may say that he/she would very much appreciate it if you are open about yourself.
but seriously, how "open" could you get with your superior.
boot licking, apple polishing.
i think it is something really important in order for you to survive the working world.
i didnt bother to do any boot licking and apple polishing for the first 2 fulltime job i held. i didnt last long there.
i tried doing it for the 3rd job, & i failed terribly because its just not me.
maybe i should consider learning how to lick boots & polish apples.
*shrugs*

BUT funnily enough,
i do not know how to speak my mind when it comes to people close to my heart. i dont know why.
i tend to bottle it all up & breakdown.
not the kind of go crazy kinda breakdown but the kind of locking myself in my room & cover my face with my pillow to muffle the sounds of my screaming & crying.
call me a crybaby but seriously, crying really help. for me at least. so does shouting/screaming.
it feels like, when i scream & shout & cry, i let it all out.
like a burden is off my shoulder.
weird? maybe.

its already 2am & i seriously need to sleep.
toodles.

xoxo.

Labels: rambling, random thoughts