anyways,
this is an entry. a super long-ass entry which might or might not bore you to death.
so if you think you've not more than 10minutes to spare, maybe you can come back next time.

as per an entry dated on the 17th december 2009 titled "confession",
i made a public announcement that i've broken up with my then-bf of 3yrs plus by the name of mohd. fadzli.

i didnt state the reason why the break up happened. and yes, i was heartbroken, despite the fact that it was me who asked for it.

matters got worst when less than a month after the break up,
he confessed to me about him being in love with another girl.
he didnt want to tell me who the girl was. but somehow or rather, my gut feeling told me that it was this particular girl.

a few days after that confession made by fadzli,
the girl broke up with the bf.
fadzli & herself got together shortly.

at that point of time, truth be told, my whole world went crumbling down.
yes, fadzli was not a perfect boyfriend. neither was i the perfect girlfriend.
but the fact that we went through a whole lot of shit those 3yrs plus together, well, i thought it would mean something to him.
but seeing his FB status, sounding so happy that she has finally accepted him to be her bf, i was feeling pretty much fucked up. but all i could do was to congratulate the both of them via his FB status though at that point of time, he still didnt want to tell me who she is.
but somewhere along the way, i found out my gut feeling was right.
it was hard, trying to be a friend to him.
i tried. but i will always end up crying when i get home after every single meeting with him. not because we argued but because it hurts, too damn much.
it doesnt help that he told me he still loves & care for me but yet, he was with her.

the situation was too complicated & too heartbreaking for me.
but what am i to do.

and it was during this time,
i got to know a guy who knew what i was going through.

but despite all that, i could never accepted when he asked me to be his.
because by the end of the day,
my heart has no place for anyone new.
that was the fact that he could accept but i couldnt give.
i felt it was unfair for him.
how can you be in a rship with some you dont love? & even worst when you are still in love with your ex?
i couldnt move on because i knew that fadzli still loves me.
maybe i was just being silly then thinking that fadzli & myself will somehow get back together again.

14th to 18th of feb came. i felt worst than ever.
because its those 4days that holds sentimental values for fadzli & myself.
i was feeling like shit, i tell you.

i was so full of angst, so full of emotions.
i just wanted revenge.
i wanted to break them up, not to get together with him.
but to just break them up because the thought of them being together just angered me.

psycho bitch much?
but i didnt do it of course.
just the thoughts playing around in my head.

then, he messaged me one day,
to tell me they've broke up.
the reason why? shall not disclose.
let it be between both of them & myself to know why.
but at that point of time i've given up.
maybe i've given up on the hopes of us getting together.
i dont know. i wasnt sure myself.

so i was there for him as a friend.
& it was during this point of time we went out,
as friends & nothing more.
no 'i love you', no holding of hands.
just out like 2 normal friends do.

& according to my previous post before this, the one full of smiley faces,
i spent my sunday with someone. which ended on a sweet note.

yes.
fadzli & myself decided to give this another try.
will it work out this time?
frankly speaking, i am not sure myself.
if it works, it will.
if it doesnt, then it wont.
whatever it is, at least we can both say that we did try our best.

Labels: fadzli, love, lovestory, relationship